How do you blind an Irish woman? Im a little short., I hardly recognized him, he looked mostly the same, except he had a giant round orange head. To make a rain-bow. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. He steps up to the urinal, and this little guy, with a bright orange beard, and all in green, steps up next to him, whips out this giant dick and starts pissing too. Roll a 40 down the street! Paddy and Mary decided to try a 69. Why do leprechauns love to garden? A: A lepre-con. What do you say to the smartest person you know on St. Patricks Day? St. Patrick's Day is one of our most favorite days of the year. I said, what have you been up to? Good Lord, hes done it again! What do you call a big Irish spider? and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?". Where can you always find a shamrock? They have green thumbs! What did St Patrick say while Now this man was overjoyed as he was only farmer that barely got by. He tees up and cranks one. Paddys walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track. Did you also know that he enjoys practical jokes?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_11',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); Either way, the jokes about this legendary creature from Irish mythology follow below. The man replies, Im Paddy OToole of no fixed abode.. ", The American goes, "Alright, for my final wish, I wanna big dick like yours.". A: Green tea. Why do frogs love St. What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? And there's a little Irishman taking a piss in the urinal. Thats good, said Sean. Q: What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? Jokes Police believe they're all victims of character assassination. A Jolly Green Giant A: Their brag-pipes. Well, you caught me, lassie! Great for parties, events, cards and trick-or-treating. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. What do you call a leprechauns vacation home? The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! The first one knocks on the door. -Sammy Wilson. Bobs starts his business when Jim yells "COP". Lucky charms. He touches the small man on his shoulder to turn and identify the person and is shocked _Here's one I vividly remember being told by a kid in a playground when I was about 5 years old._, Stoner: "Alright maaan, uhhh, how about. a joint of the best weed EVER that never goes out or burns up, and I will never gain a tolerance to it". "There is something sinister about putting a leprechaun in a workhouse. But this is a newsagents'. None of these leprechaun one liners are dirty. Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover? Celebrating St. Patrick's Day with his gang of leprechauns. Because theyre always a little short. It gave a lot of milk and excellent milk it was. A: A short-order cook. Well you caught me lassie! Well, replied the doctor, You only have 3 days to live. Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk" They reach the first monestary and knock on the door. The bartender asks the priest what he wants. What happens when you call a leprechaun short? A man walks into the men's bathroom to take a piss. An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. They play their brag-pipes. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! They make their money from a little bit of farming, but mostly from the milk that their cow produces. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Sure, youd be arrested for less!. A: Theyre very short-tempered. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? A rash of good luck. Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? What do you call a leprechaun who scams you? Pat. He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. And might I ask how your sex life is?" It was a real stroke of luck to be sure, A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. St Patrick's Day One-Liners Jokes - St Patrick's Day Jokes Look clover there. Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? Q: How do leprechauns use to pay for soft drinks? Q: Where can leprechauns always find gold on St. Pattys Day? WebWhere do leprechauns live? The leprechaun asks the rangers for help escaping the snowy forest, and tells them that whoever can come up with the best and kindest way to transport him out of the forest, will be granted his pot of gold. Potty. Leprechaun Jokes - Joke Buddha He is curious, and gets closer and sees a small person with his back to him. "Shit! What did the poor leprechaun say as he ran from the police? "Well, lass, we're the only ones still standing. 100 Best St. Patrick's Day Jokes - Funny Irish Jokes - The Raise your hand if you are 1% Irish today. What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? Two Irishmen were walking out of a funeral. Erin go bragh! They worked up along one street and then down the other. Web( Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes) Knock, knock Whos there? Leper Leper who? Lepon con and Im here to pinch you. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again, SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! Game clover! A man walks into an Irish bar and orders a tall glass of Guinness. The only thing they had that was worth anything was their old milk cow. May your glass be ever full. One lad would dig a hole and the other lad would follow him and fill the hole in. The Three Paddies find a leprechaun, who brings them to the top of his rainbow. A rainbow 3. Do you believe in Leprechauns How many tunes should the bard play? Also my Mam visits this website, and I dont want her disowning me! The man agrees and states "for my first wish I'll have a pint of Guinness that never runs out". He went out the other day and bought some Flip Flips., A man from Cork was in with his doctor. Ive put the little b*stard in our garden. They need all the luck they can get! And there's a little Irishman taking a piss in the urinal. Thats 150 miles from here., His wife asks who it was, and Paddy responds, It was some eejit asking if the coast was clear.. And of course, what kind of St. Patricks Day jokes would be complete without the best of the best knock-knock jokes and puns galore. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!" Knock, knock! Apparently, asking a dwarf why he isnt wearing his leprechaun costume was offensive. No, the man replied. And the leprechaun says, "Well that's gonna take some doing. ", The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! A: To stop himself from falling into the stew. Q: What was the leprechauns favorite kind of music? Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard! he says. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? I haven't either! Q: What did the leprechaun referee say when the soccer match ended? The man repied "Yes, I have 2 kids and a, At the urinal next to his. Erin Cavoto is the Editorial Assistant at ThePioneerWoman.com, covering food, holidays, home decor, and more. Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. Aleperchaunspelledbackwards. If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! A: He already had pot of gold, Q: What do you call a leprechaun who goes to prison? What's the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? and the leprechaun says, "Done! Top 50 Leprechaun Jokes | My Town Tutors You haven't met an Irish Women yet! To get to the other side. Ever tried ironing a four-leaf clover? Why do leprechauns hate running? Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Q: What did the leprechaun order to drink at the Chinese restaurant? "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day." They are short-tempered. We may earn commission from links on this page, but we only recommend products we back. Patrick's Day one liners. So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a Who told you that? asked Marty.. A sham rock If you told me the leprechaun existed, Id believe you Just kidding, the Irish aren't offended by jack shit because they're not pussies. WebWhy did the leprechaun jump on the rainbow? He couldn't afford plane fare This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud! It gave a lot of high grade milk and when theyd milk it theyd take it to make milk and cheese and take the excess to sell and. So go ahead bend over for me Sonnie! The leprechaun reply's well you see me top hat don?t ya, you see me green suit don't ya, and is it not St. pattys day, what more proof do you need laddy. Q: Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming? Why are so many leprechauns gardeners? Day Jokes: 23 Irish Riddles And Funny One Laugh at these funny leprechaun jokes. Made in USA with Irish parts.Watch the latest video from Sturdy (@thedirtyleprechaun). Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Who's there? I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? What happens if a leprechaun falls into the ocean? Jokes Nevertheless, we are masters of this. The other is clover. A: Because Irish stew. WebThe leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. This is the best collection of leprechaun jokes that youll find anywhere and all of these jokes are clean and safe for people of all ages. Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Q: Why do frogs like St. Patricks Day? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Q: Why cant you borrow money from a leprechaun? by signing up, you agree to the our terms and our Privacy Policy agreement. gentlemen? Well, its certainly clear from these ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes that you cant take things too seriously in Ireland, and you most definitely shouldnt take any offence. He believes in bringing about positive change through good-natured humor and innovative technology. In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. Theyre both for me.. Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover? Leprechaun Jokes Q: Why shouldnt you borrow money from a leprechaun? The leprechaun laughs, "You Thats quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free. A sham rock I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus homeThat may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before. So Bob throws his hat over the pile of shit. "Because," giggles the leprechaun, "leprechauns don't have tallywaggers." Here's to a long life and a merry one. Plus youll get a fun bonus Halloween Lunch Box Jokes Printable (30+ Days of Jokes). A: Lucky charms. Whether you plan on incorporating St. Patricks Day crafts or activities, or even reading a St. Patricks Day book, we also think your students will What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? Movies Police are calling it a misgnomer. Low and behold, after a few seconds into relieving himself a very short man walks in and begins peeing in the urinal next to him. A: He took a short cut. Was I definitely meant to shove them up my arse?'. "Why not?" What can I do for you?" The little man in the green suit says, ', He was about to cross an old stone bridge when a small man jumped out from behind a rock. The man unzips and assumes the position when in walks a very short red-bearded man wearing a green suit and green bowler hat with a clover in it. Why shouldnt you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because it has two banks Look up! How does every Irish joke start? When short after a real short guy wearing a leprechauns costume walks in to use the urinal next to him. How do musicians show off on St. Patricks Day? The next day Paddy is drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before. Their soil was so poor they mainly grew dirt. I asked her how she colored it and Sham-rock and roll. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink on St Patricks Day? Q: Why do leprechauns prefer dollar bills over coins? What instrument would a show-off play on St. Patricks Day? Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. The man replies "I am 29 years old." May your blessings outnumber The shamrocks that grow, What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? source: /u/0nyx09. Q: Why was the leprechaun trying to find gamma rays? A: Because theyre always wearing green. St. Patrick's Day Toasts Did you know that leprechauns principal occupation is making and cobbling shoes? Pat who? How come you can you never borrow a few quid from a leprechaun? The leprechaun turns and says in a Irish voice, not to worry laddy I'm a leprechaun, I will grant u one wish If ya let me ram it in yur ass laddy. Name the top three songs by leprechaun cover bands. Dirty jokes, to be precise, are as common in Ireland as sheep on a country road, so we just had to create a list of the best to give you a good laugh. He took a short cut. Q: Why did the leprechaun go out the door? A: They have green thumbs! How did the Irish Jig get started? WebDirty Leprechaun joke So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. Because only a few of them could pass the bar., Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher in the national school in Westport? Leprechaun Joke - Everything2.com And may trouble avoid you Wherever you go. around? Paddy OFurniture. The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Two lepracauns walk up to the doors of a Catholic Church in Ireland. on one such occasion, he happened upon a leprechaun. What did the leprechaun say when "OK then, I wish that I was married to the hottest woman on Earth, who lived for nothing other than the need to satisfy my every sexual desire." How do Irish cooks keep their tools organized? Whats the bad news? He asks the first fella for his name and address. A lot of small talk. Yank goes to Ireland on vacation. A troll, a hag and a leprechaun walk into a bar How should you buy drinks on St. Patricks Day? His walk proves to be longer than he anticipated and nature starts calling. and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?". Cause the grass tickles their balls asks his captor. A: Paddy OFurniture, Q: Why do leprechauns like to recycle? Want jokes for St. Patricks Day? It wasnt. There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. Theres a joke here thatll tickle anyones funny bone. She apologises and trys again before farting a second time. Paddy answers and replies, How would I know? WebLeprechaun: "Ahh, laddie, that's a pretty tall order. Warren anything green for St. Patrick's Day? "Tip o' the Trojan to ye!" Leprechaun replies "Not to worry laddy, besides who would believe me anyway." Q: How did the leprechaun beat everyone else to the pot of gold? So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. Pat on your shoes and let's get to the St. Patrick's Day party! (Sister Matic). Are you going to shear those sheep?, I am not, the neighbour replied. There's a pot of gold waiting in ye car. One liner tags: animal, political, sarcastic, St. Patrick's Day. And when 'e saw ye with 'is eye "All right, I've got you this time. The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. Its faster than Dublin the dough with yeast. The leprechaun laughs, "You can't do that." He took a shortcut! The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note." 45+ Hilarious Jokes To Share On St. Patricks Day "Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!" For some reason the guy happens to glans over and sees this little guy has a huge cock. "Oh, really?" I'm in the wrong joke! How did the leprechaun win the race? These funny leprechaun quotes might make you smile. Sham-rock and roll. We specialise in Bizarre Irish News, Viral Videos and general Irish Craic. Funny Leprechaun Jokes: 15 Best That Will Make You Laugh Cork is full of many things and can be one of Irelands premier spots for. All of them are clean and awesome. said Mary. After five minutes he shouted to the cop, Here! Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. Paddy and Sean are planning to go out on St Patricks Day, but only have 50 cents between them. An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. Q: Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow? 93 St. Patricks Day Jokes To Have You Dublin Over With Laughter He's getting hammered in a pub, and goes to take a leak. She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled, and says, Yeah, says Paddy. He picked it and spoke outloud "This must be me lucky day!" So what does she look like, Paddy? asks Seamus. What should that man do? How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto? After three hours of unforgettable sex, Paddy says, I wonder how the girls are getting on?. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. What's an Irish jig at McDonald's called? Guy's been at the bar for a while. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? A leprechaun who recycles. Anto replied, Delighted? Potty gold at the end of the rainbow. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? He is pretty lost, but suddenly he sees a leprechaun sitting on a rock. Yes, theyre green with envy!